


A Place We Could Escape To

by StillTryingToFly



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Hargreeves is Alive, Canonical Child Abuse, Deal With It, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fix-It, Gen, I heard a rumor there was no incest, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Non-Consensual Drug Use, POV Multiple, Protective Vanya Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Bonding, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, badass Vanya Hargreeves, here we set the abuser on fire, no victim blaming in this house
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StillTryingToFly/pseuds/StillTryingToFly
Summary: Five had made one last desperate attempt to save the world by jumping all his siblings into the past, but only Vanya has made it back. She's stuck in her teenage body with all the guilt and self loathing that comes with having tried to end the world, surrounded by the child versions of her siblings. Oh, also their abusive father is still alive and torturing them all. The time for self pity is over, its time for Vanya to be her sibling's hero, but with adversaries like Reginald Hargreeves and a shadow organization of time traveling assassins has Vanya bitten off more than she can chew?





	1. Sorry

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [i'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18992842) by [readergirl1013](https://archiveofourown.org/users/readergirl1013/pseuds/readergirl1013). 



> So this was based off a series by readergirl1013 called "just kiss off into the air" and it is very good and very sad and I thought--Hey what if I do that but with a happy-ish ending? I am also in the middle of writing a different and unrelated time travel series of my own called "How Four and Seven Learned to Love Themselves And Stop the Apocalypse" so this particular fic probably won't be updated again until that one is finished. So for now enjoy the introductory chapter of this one, please comment below and tell me what you think or want to read.

**Vanya**

When Allison had pressed the gun to the back of Vanya’s head she hadn’t resisted, even though she could have. She’d been so angry with their brothers for attacking her and interrupting her concert that she held them aloft with sound made into solid energy. But even though she knew she could kill Allison, she hadn’t _wanted_ to. The two of them had hurt each other so badly, each without meaning to, and Vanya couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her sister again. When the gun went off Vanya made no attempt to stop it, so being alive ten seconds later was definitely a surprise. 

Her eyes were closed and her body was limp with exhaustion, but she could hear everything that was happening around her. She could hear the screams of the people she’d doomed to die as they realized their end was coming just as well as she could now hear the howling wind and the rain beating against her window. She had heard Five’s desperate plan to time travel into their past as much as she had heard her sibling unanimous relief that she was still alive. She’d heard Five insist on bringing her, the bomb, with them to fix her. She could hear the crackle of Five’s jumps ten times louder than it had ever been before and felt the wind rushing around her before she felt like her very body was being ripped apart at the atomic level and then...

With a clap of thunder and a flash of lightning Vanya Hargreeves was back. Back in the house she’d pulled down with her mind. Back in the room she’d left so long ago. Back in the body she’d had as a child. The indignity of it almost made her want to scream before the reality of everything she’d done hit her. 

She’d killed Pogo. She’d killed mom. And she was pretty sure she’d killed everyone else on the planet when the light burst out of her and struck the moon.

And wasn’t that a fun revelation; she was the cause of the apocalypse Five had told her about. He had made himself vulnerable for the first time in god knows how long only to be dismissed and belittled by the very person directly responsible for his suffering. _Oh god she was a monster._

So she laid there on her lumpy mattress, tears pouring silently down her face, the guilt over what she had done threatened to consume her as her heartbeat increased wildly. She had killed everybody, destroyed everything in what was perhaps the world’s last ever temper tantrum because she’d wanted attention, because she’d wanted her damn concert, her Apocalypse Suite.

Vanya gasped through her tears, her hands gripping the sheets so hard she thought they might rip beneath her fingers. She almost couldn’t believe she’d done it; looked at everything around her and pulled it to the ground without mercy, except she had done it before, hadn’t she? She’d looked at her relationship with her siblings, looked at the book she’d written, filled as it was with only her own point of view and opinions, decided she didn’t care what happened next, and had published it without even telling them what she planned to do. She had subjected them to the court of public opinion without letting them speak at their own trials.

She’d wanted to hurt their father so badly she hadn’t cared that it would hurt them too. She had hated her father so much as she’d written about her childhood that publishing the dirty secrets of the sainted Umbrella Academy seemed like the only feasible way to get back at him. God what an idiot she’d been; her father didn’t care what people thought and so he couldn’t be hurt by what she’d written. But she had known what she’d written would hurt her siblings, and she hadn’t cared enough to stop. She had set fire to the Umbrella Academy long before she had crumbled its walls. Knowing this she couldn't help but be confused by her own continued existence. Why hadn’t her siblings left her to die in the apocalypse she had made? Let the monster she’d become die, and save the girl she’d been. Part of her wished they had; she would have deserved it, to die in the fire she’d made, but instead they’d taken her with them to start over. 

Abruptly she sat up, scrambling to get the sheets off her; if she was in her child body, so was Allison. She’d almost killed Allison in defence of a lying murderer who only wanted to use her to hurt her siblings, and all it had taken was a little attention, a few compliments, and a bouquet of flowers and she’d almost murdered her sister and taken away her voice. Someone somewhere with a sick sense of humor might be laughing at the tragic irony of two superpowered sisters that each took the other’s power away; all Vanya wanted to do was cry. 

Because Allison hadn’t hated her for what she’d done, she’d forgiven Vanya the moment she saw her in the box, had waved away Vanya’s guilt with a note and a shake of her head and love in her eyes. There had been love in her eyes at the concert too, and pride as she watched Vanya play as she had always been meant to, and it was this thought that finally forced Vanya throw off her apathy, guilt and self pity and run to her door. 

Allison, she had to see Allison now. She had to say she was sorry, she had to see her sister whole and undamaged by Vanya’s outburst.

In her haste to get to her sister Vanya yanked the door open so hard it bounced off the wall and hit her as she tried to run through. She ignored the pain in her side as she started to run towards her sister’s bedroom. It wasn’t far, hers was the last room on the left before Luther and Allison’s room at the end of the halway. She had barely even made it out of her room before the panic attack overwhelmed her and she collapsed on the tiled floor her breath coming in harsh pants and her blood pounded in her ears.

Distantly a small part of her was railing at the absurdity of the situation. She had enough power to destroy the moon if she felt like it, but if she gets too caught up in what her siblings think of her she’ll have a panic attack? _What utter bullshit was this?_  

The rest of Vanya was rapidly becoming hysterical. She could see her sister’s bedroom from her spot on the floor but she couldn’t get her legs to carry her weight towards her sister’s room. 

Vanya hadn’t been able to stop crying since she remembered what she had done to her family, but now, crumpled on the ground fifteen feet from her sister’s door, she could feel herself getting hysterical. Five had managed to drag them by the scruff of their necks into the past to save the world and she couldn’t even get herself down a goddamn hallway.

She had just decided that if she had to crawl the rest of the way to her sister’s door then so be it, when the steady click of heels could be heard making their steady way down the hallway. Mom. Of course, mom was alive too, and nothing would keep her from a child that needed her.

“Vanya, what are you doing out of bed at this hour?”

Mom had knelt down and put a hand on Vanya’s back and began to rub gentle circles between Vanya’s shoulders as soon as she’d found her on the floor of the hallway. Her voice and manner were designed to be soothing, reassuring, and supportive. In every way the perfect caregiver. She’d looked pained that first time she gave Vanya her pills, had always encouraged Vanya in everything she ever did and Vanya had pulled this building down around her without a single thought or care to who she might be hurting in the process. Seeing her mother standing there unhurt after everything that had happened was too much and Vanya sobbed into her mother’s skirt as she tried to apologize mumbling nonsensically into the fabric.

“Mom? Is Vanya alright?”

Blinking blearily up from her position on the floor Vanya saw Klaus through her tears, shifting his weight uneasily from one foot to the other as he watched her.

Oh god, _Klaus_. He’d wanted so badly to let her out of the vault, to set her free, but Luther had been too scared and angry to let anyone near her. Too afraid that she’d hurt the others like she’d hurt Allison. Luther had told them she was dangerous and Klaus had still argued in her defense, and she’d almost killed him. Twice.

“I’m so sorry!” Vanya had to gasp and gulp to get the words out and they were a little garbled but she had to say it, had to apologise, had to let him know she was sorry for what she had done.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to hurt you! I’m sorry!”

A little wrinkle formed between Klaus’s eyebrows as he frowned at her, flicking his eyes to mom for guidance.

“It’s...okay,” he said but it sounded more like a question than forgiveness.

Mom gently put two fingers on Vanya’s wrist and frowned softly when she felt her pulse. 

“Did you have a bad dream Vanya? You’re shaking like a leaf, let’s get you a drink of water before you go to bed again.”

“NO!” Vanya wailed. “Allison! I have to see Allison! I have to make sure she’s alright!”

Mom tilted her head, considering the situation before she spoke.

“Klaus, can you hold your sister’s hand while I check on Allison?” Turning to Vanya she continued. “If I make sure she’s alright, will you feel better?”

Vanya really wanted to see her sister with her own eyes, to hold her hand, but if Allison was sleeping still she couldn’t disturb her just for her own satisfaction, so she nodded instead and reaches for Klaus’s hand. He took hers without hesitation and held it tight.

Mom walks quietly down the hall to Allison’s door and opens it silently before stepping inside. 

Klaus looked bemused by the entire situation but willing to hold his sister’s hand while she shook with anxiety. Vanya looked like she might be violently ill soon.

“Your sister is just fine dear,” Mom said as soon as she got close enough to Vanya to whisper. “She’s fast asleep in her bed, just like you two should be.” Here she turned to Klaus and gave him an indulgent smile. “You’re growing children after all; you need your rest.”

With Mom’s help Vanya was finally able to get her shaky legs underneath her again. She needed to explain or her mom was going to think she was crazy.

“Have to tell her I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Allison lost her voice and it was all my fault. Had to let her know I was sorry.” She turned to Klaus frantically. “I didn’t mean to, Klaus! I promise I never meant to hurt her! It was an accident!”

Klaus looked startled at the distress in her voice. “Of course it was V. I’m sure Allison knows that.”  

Mom takes charge again, shooing Klaus back to his own room.

“Klaus dear why don’t you head to your room and try and get some sleep. I’ll sit with Vanya until her anxiety attack is over. Her dream just scared her and since she was asleep she couldn’t do her breathing exercises. She’ll be just fine in the morning.”

Klaus hesitates for a moment but then with one last look at Vanya heads back to his room and with that Vanya finds herself being gently shepherded back into her room. Mom rubs her back gently and helps her into bed.

“There now, you’ll see Allison in the morning and everything will look better then,” Mom says with a smile.

Vanya crawled into bed certain that she was far too keyed up to fall asleep, her worries about facing the rest of her siblings in the morning after what she had done to them in the future, but her anxiety attack had left her exhausted and wrung out emotionally and fell asleep moments after her head hit the pillow.

 

**Grace**

When Grace was in her charging station she was not asleep the way a human mother would be. Most of her systems went into a suspended state, except for the ones designed to take care of the Hargreeves children as they slept, so even in her resting state she monitors them. There is a human expression that Grace had always considered appropriate: “Sleeping with one eye open.’ 

So whenever Grace’s resting program detected distressed noises coming from the children’s hallway her charger retracts and she makes her way up to the child who needs her, the night of the storm it was Vanya.

Her smallest child was curled in on herself on the floor and appeared to be attempting to drag herself on her hands and knees towards the rooms at the end of the hallway. 

“Vanya, what are you doing out of bed at this hour?”

The question comes out because Grace cannot fathom _why_ Vanya would be crawling towards her siblings rooms at three twenty-one in the morning.

Grace has a perfect memory catalogue and can bring up every interaction she has ever had with her children and never, not once in her entire existence has Vanya reacted to her with tears. Mild confusion and fear when she had twisted Grace’s head around when she was four but never tears. For a moment Grace is almost unsure how to react but her child is crying, and something far more important than her programing takes hold of her limbs and she is on the floor too, letting Vanya cry into her skirt.

Grace hears the click of a door and the soft padding of feet and knows who it will be before he speaks.

“Mom? Is Vanya alright?”

Klaus is barefoot, wearing his rumpled pajamas, his hair sticking up in every direction humanly possible looking down at the two of them with concern. 

Vanya looked up with wet eyes at her brother and stars crying softly.

“I’m so sorry!” Her voice is cracked and desperate as she continues. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to hurt you! I’m sorry!”

Klaus cocked his head to the left, a tiny divot between his eyebrows betraying his confusion, and flicked his eyes to Grace for guidance. Grace could only run her hands down Vanya’s back trying to soothe whatever has upset her daughter so. 

“It’s...okay,” Klaus sounds so confused, and looks to Grace again.

Grace felt Vanya’s wrist for her pulse and felt it beating hard, coming down from an anxiety attack. She was going to be exhausted and dehydrated if nothing was done quickly.

“Did you have a bad dream Vanya? You’re shaking like a leaf, let’s get you a drink of water before you go to bed again.”

“NO!” Vanya’s heart rate jumped and her voice radiated distress. “Allison! I have to see Allison! I have to make sure she’s alright!”

Grace considered this, Vanya had been hysterical, trying to reach Allison’s door when Grace had found her, but her distress had been tempered when Klaus had said everything was okay.

Grace looked up at her son. 

“Klaus, can you hold your sister’s hand while I check on Allison?”

Turning back Vanya she continued. “If I make sure she’s alright, will you feel better?”

Vanya seems to consider the compromise before she nods.

Klaus kneels and take his sister’s hand as Grace stands up.

Grace catalogs the steady rise and fall of Allison’s chest, the slow even breaths, and the flickering beneath her eyelids that indicate REM sleep. She gently touches Allison’s curls before leaving the room to return to the two children she had left in the hallway.

“Your sister is just fine dear,” Grace says and watches Vanya’s body slump in relief. “She’s fast asleep in her bed, just like you two should be.” 

Grace looks at Klaus and smiles. “You’re growing children after all; you need your rest.”

“Have to tell her I’m sorry,” Vanya whispered . “Allison lost her voice and it was all my fault.” Vanya whimpers out the last part. “Had to let her know I was sorry.” 

Vanya suddenly jerked around to look at Klaus. “I didn’t mean to, Klaus! I promise I never meant to hurt her! It was an accident!”

Klaus looked startled at the distress in her voice but clumsily tries to comfort her just the same. “Of course it was V. I’m sure Allison knows that.”

Vanya still has a steely grip on her brother’s hand. Klaus looks up at Grace with bewilderment and mouthed ‘what should I do?’ over the top of Vanya’s head.

Grace bends down and take Vanya’s hand again, helping her stand.

“Klaus dear why don’t you head to your room and try and get some sleep. I’ll sit with Vanya until her anxiety attack is over. Her dream just scared her and since she was asleep she couldn’t do her breathing exercises. She’ll be just fine in the morning.”

Klaus looks confused but glad that Grace has the situation in hand and turns to go back to his room with one last look at Vanya before her rounds the corner.

Vanya is still upset, but visibly relieved knowing her sister is alright. Whatever dream she’d had must have alarmed her if she hadn’t been able to tell the dream from reality. Grace helped her into bed and watched over her as she tossed and turned  until she fell into a fitful sleep, completely unlike Allison’s relaxed slumber. 

**Klaus**

Klaus Hargreeves was confused. What on earth had Vanya been babbling about? Of course Vanya hadn’t hurt Allison. How could she? Vanya cried when the rest of them stepped on ants, why was she crying about hurting him and Allison?


	2. This House Is Not A Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya finds herself alone in the past and starts to plan a new future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mind just wouldn't leave this be, not sure when the next update will be but please please please please comment and tell me what you thought.

Vanya slept badly her first night back. Well, her first morning back according to the red light of the clock on her desk. She  managed only a few hours of fitful sleep before it was finally late enough to reasonably be out of bed and got dressed for the day.

Vanya had never been concerned by her clothes as a teenager or an adult so she was surprised by how much she hated the very idea of wearing the stupid academy uniform again. 

The anger she’d felt for her siblings was inconsequential in the face of her own actions but her rage towards Reginald Hargreeves, that was something she wasn’t going to get over anytime soon.

Pulse pounding in her ears with nerves Vanya didn't even stop in the bathroom to brush her teeth or fix her hair before running down the hallway to Allison’s room and rapping sharply on the door.

“Come in,” Allison’s high child voice said around a yawn and that was all the permission Vanya needed before throwing the door open and running to pull Allison into a hug.

“I’m so sorry! I promise I didn’t mean to! It was an accident!”

For one agonizing moment Allison stood frozen, shoulders stiff and saying nothing before she gingerly wrapped her arms around Vanya’s shoulders.

Relief coursed through Vanya; her sister didn’t hate her. She didn’t even realize she was crying until Allison started pulled back to wipe at Vanya’s tears. She looked...so confused.

“Not to step on the moment,” Allison began cautiously. “But what, exactly, are you apologizing for?”

Vanya let out a high pitched hysterical laugh. It was a good question. Was she apologizing for taking away Allison’s voice? Almost killing them all in the Academy? For blowing up the moon and forcing them to leave everything behind, forcing Allison to leave her daughter behind? There was so much to apologize for Vanya realized. How could she even start to make amends?

“Vanya had a nightmare last night.”

Klaus, all gangly limbs and bony elbows was leaning against the wall in the hallway, standing just past Klaus Diego had come out of his room and was watching them with a frown on his face.

“Okay?” 

Allison’s soft voice brought Vanya back to herself.

“Yeah it must have been pretty bad, cuz she had an anxiety attack and was freaking out in the hallway. Kept saying she hadn’t meant to hurt us.”

Klaus pushed himself off the wall and started swinging his arms back and forth.

“Which, duh! Of course you wouldn’t hurt us V!”

There was a loud popping sound to the left and Five appeared in Allison’s room already dressed.

“You had an anxiety attack last night? Are you alright?”

Vanya was confused; this was not how she had expected her siblings to react to seeing her after she had started the Apocalypse.

“I--I’m fine,” Vanya said carefully. “How are you?”

Five looked at her like that was the dumbest question he had ever heard in his life, which was fair, but before he could say anything else Luther’s head popped around the corner.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound funny.”

Vanya froze. This was all wrong. Luther wasn’t look at her like she was a bomb that could go off at any moment, the comparison had stung but that particular shoe fit so she could hardly fault him when he’d made the comparison.

Vanya turned to look past Luther into the hallway. Klaus was still standing near the wall swinging his arms but Diego had come closer, and was frowning not in anger but with concern she realized. How had they forgiven her so easily?

The click of a latch further down the hallway broke Vanya out of her reverie, there was only one person not in the hallway already so there was only one person it could be.

Ben Hargreeves walked out of his room in his pajamas rubbing sleep from his eyes as he trudged his way down the hall.

Vanya couldn’t breathe. 

Ben! Ben was alive! Ben was...going to the bathroom?

_Seriously?_

Suddenly Ben poked his head back around the corner to blink blearily at them.

“What’s going on?”

Vanya’s breathing hitched. Did Ben not remember? Klaus had said that Ben was holding on but what if Five hadn’t been able to bring him because he was already dead?

Before Vanya could say anything Klaus spoke up.

“Vanya had a nightmare that we got hurt and it was her fault and now she’s worried that we’re going to be mad at her for it.”

Diego frowned before reaching over to lightly swat at the back of Klaus’s head.

Luther was frowning too.

“Vanya, we’re not mad at you for having a nightmare; that’s not your fault.”

But it _was_ her fault, she’d made the nightmare and had thrust them all into it headfirst. Trying to spare her feelings wasn’t going to help anyone.

“Yes it was, it was my fault, all of it. And I’m so sorry--about all of it, about the concert, about Claire I--I just wish...” Vanya stopped unable to form words, how could she apologize for the Apocalypse?

Allison frowned and tilted her head to the side confusion plain on her face.

“Who’s Claire?”

Vanya felt like a bucket of ice water had been dumped over her head.

They didn’t remember. Diego didn’t hate her because he barely noticed her, Luther wasn’t afraid of her because to him she was harmless, and Allison didn’t hate her for ruining everything because from Allison’s point of view, she hadn’t. Vanya thought she might puke.

She searched their faces, looking for any trace of recognition at her words, but there were none. Five had tried to save them all but only she had woken up.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” she whispered before bolting to the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

 

* * *

 

Two hours later Vanya lay in her bed considering the situation. Her family currently thought she was sick; she’d vomited and Grace had detected a mild fever so she was now officially on bed rest. Five was attempting to mother hen her from the other side of the door despite their father’s strict orders not to go near Vanya while she might be contagious.

Vanya felt her lips curl involuntarily. The very thought of Reginald Hargreeves was enough to make her blood want to boil, the anger kept at bay only by the drugs that were still in her system. At thirteen she took two pills a day, one in the morning when she woke up and one in the afternoon after their ridiculously early dinner.

She hadn’t taken the morning pill today, but she planned on taking the one in the evening. If sharing a childhood with Klaus had taught her anything, it was that going cold turkey wasn’t ever pretty. Last time she’d done that she destroyed the world, so this time she had a plan, it was a little light on the details but she was working on it.

Their father was a monster, their mother was a robot who loved them but had to obey the monster’s orders and Pogo was complicit in their pain no matter how guilty he felt about it later. Vanya was the only adult here willing and able to protect her siblings; she could only do that if she was in control of her powers.

She had one month until the day that Five had disappeared in her first life. One month to get herself drug free and cultivate something that vaguely resembled control over powers she wasn’t supposed to know she had, while under constant surveillance by their father. 

How was she even going to practice? There were cameras all over the house, he was bound to see her if she started making things around her float when she practiced. She needed a way to get out of the house everyday with her violin, and she needed it fast if she was going to be able to protect her siblings.

Ironically enough, the Icarus theater might be her ticket out of the house. The theater had a youth program for aspiring musicians, and she knew that if she was off her meds, her music was extraordinary. She just had to find a way to get her father to agree to let her go.

The more she thought about it, the better the idea seemed. Her father wanted to keep her isolated from her siblings so an activity that took her out of the house daily should appeal to him. She had always felt safe at the Icarus, she knew it would be the perfect place for her to practice her powers without Reginald Hargreeves breathing down her neck.

Vanya reached under her bed and pulled out the plastic box she used to store the sheet music when she wasn’t using it. She had always kept aspiration pieces, pieces she wasn’t skilled enough to play yet to encourage herself to practice harder, not knowing her medicine was holding her back. The music she had stashed away as a child would be a snap for the adult that was weaning herself off drugs.

Vanya had just decided that she would talk to Pogo about convincing  Reginald when there was a knock on her door. Vanya smiled faintly; she would recognize her mother’s gentle knock anywhere, no matter how old she got.

“Come in,” she called without looking up from her sheet music.

Grace entered the room the same way she always did, with a sway in her step and a smile on her lips, today she also had a tray with a steaming cup of tea and a small bowl of soup.

“Hello Vanya dear. If your stomach is feeling a little more settled you should try and get some fluids. I’ve got ginger tea and some pea soup that will be easy for you to digest.”

Vanya smiled through her guilt. She had brought the Academy down without a thought to Grace’s well being after everything Grace had done for her.

“Thanks mom, tea and soup sounds great.”

Grace’s red lipped smile was blinding.

 

* * *

 

Later that afternoon Vanya convinced Grace she was feeling well enough to leave her bedroom and go to the library to do some of her schoolwork. She spent just enough time to zip through the assigned work for the day before she left to find Pogo and show him the advertisement for the youth program she had found in the paper.

The ape stared at her when she held it out for him.

“I’d like to practice with other people who also love music,” she said in a sad lost voice she hoped would make him pity her.

She was still mad at him for being party not only to her own trauma but her siblings as well. He wasn’t like mom, there was no programming keeping him from killing Reginald only his own cowardice and Vanya wasn’t sure she could forgive that.

“If you brought it up with father first, he’d at least consider letting me go. It would only be three days a week and I could take the bus to the theater, it wouldn’t be a distraction from my studies Pogo, and I really want this. Please, will you talk to him about it?”

Pogo looked uncomfortable at the prospect but nodded slowly before speaking.

“If you wish, Miss Vanya.”

“More than anything,” she said and left the sitting room. 

 

* * *

 

 

Two days later Vanya stood in her father’s study while he ignored her in favor of the papers he was notating. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes, he had never gotten over his need to turn every interaction with his children into a power play.

Vanya stood still, refusing to fidget under the gaze of the taxidermy animals that looked down from the walls. He’d done the same thing with Five. A month after Five had left and not come back a creepy painting had showed up over the fireplace. A warning to the rest of them: See what happens if you don’t listen to me. Reginald had taken the memory of her favorite brother and turned it into another one of his trophies.

Vanya had to bite on the inside of her cheek to keep from rattling the windows. Even on a half dose of the pills her powers were leaking through the fog Reginald tried to keep her lost in.

Vanya focused on her breathing and worked to keep her frustration off her face. 

Eventually Reginald spoke.

“Pogo tells me you are interested in joining a youth music program in the city Number Seven.”

He didn’t even look at her, he just kept marking his papers.

“Yes sir,” she said without inflection.

What was he even marking? Pogo and mom handled their education, Reginald wasn’t going to concern himself with their math tests.

“You are aware that associations such as an orchestra will require an audition to join. You will have to prove that you are skilled enough to belong.” 

His tone made it abundantly clear he didn’t believe she was good enough, and if she really had been thirteen years old she would have wilted under that tone, would have canceled any plans to join anything ever again. But this Vanya was twenty-nine years old, first chair of the orchestra and responsible for causing the Apocalypse; she knew she was enough.

“I know, I’ve already selected my audition piece. I called and they have an opening for a violinist and said I could come down on Monday to audition.”

Sir Hargreeves didn’t say anything, didn’t make a sound, didn’t even look at her, he just kept marking his papers.

“Very well, if you wish to persist with this foolish endeavor you may audition, and if by some miracle they accept you, you have permission to join the orchestra. You’re dismissed Number Seven.”

Vanya turned around and walked out of her father’s study without a backward glance.

 _That_ had been easier than she’d expected.


	3. Once More With Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya makes an impulse decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I don't usually update this quickly but after all the comments and encouragement I got last chapter, this one pretty much wrote itself. Seriously I secretly crave validation, comment on my fics please :)

Vanya Hargreeves sat on the hard orchestra seat and lost herself in the music. It was simply glorious to feel the waves of sound around her positively dancing to the beat of her emotions. It was something she had always loved to do but had rarely been able to achieve in her drugged state (not that she’d known the first time). 

But three weeks after waking up in her thirteen year old body and Vanya had gone down to one pill every three days and last night’s dose was the last one she ever planned on taking. It was incredibly liberating.

She’d felt almost guilty auditioning for the youth orchestra three weeks ago, sure she was taking the spot of some aspiring child violinist but according to the conductor there had been no other violinist they were seriously considering when she had auditioned. It was a relief, but one tempered by the knowledge that even if she _had_ been taking someone’s place she would have done it to save her siblings.

The piece came to an end with the wave of the conductor’s hand and one last lingering note on Vanya’s violin. She smiled to herself but kept her eyes closed even as the conductor began to speak.

“Excellent work everyone! Brass there was a spot in the middle where you were a little fast but once we slow it down just a tad you all will be ready for your first concert.”

Everyone around her began packing up their belongings chattering eagerly with their neighbors. Once Vanya knew they wouldn’t be glowing she opened her eyes to look at the excited children around her. The concert itself was going to be part of a gala event and they were only going to be the opening act but the kids were so excited for it and Vanya found their enthusiasm infectious. The other violinist was smiling so broadly Vanya was sure her cheeks must be hurting.

“It’s going to be amazing! Don’t you think, Vanya! Oh gosh, and you joined less than a month ago and just got blindsided with the concert! But you’re so amazing so I’m sure you’ll be amazing but I’m still so nervous about me! What if I mess up during the actual performance? Oh god how humiliating would that be? Am I rambling? I’m rambling aren’t I? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you but I chatter when I’m nervous. I’ll stop. Sorry!” 

Vanya giggled at the exuberance of the excited redhead next to her. She slipped her music into its section of her case and closed the lid with a snap.

“It’s fine Dela. And you play so beautifully, the concert will be great, and we still have two weeks to work out any kinks, it’ll be fine. Just relax!”

Dela nodded, sending her wild mane of red curls escaping her scrunchie and bobbing in every direction as the two of them made their way to the exit.

“You’re right, I just get nervous. Do you have your dress yet? I hate wearing black but they want us to look like a real orchestra so my mom is going to take me shopping this afternoon.”

 Vanya smiled at the thought of wearing her performance clothes again; since she had started going into the city regularly her father had permitted her to wear jeans and sweatshirts so that no one would see her in the Umbrella Academy uniform. Vanya had been thrilled to get out of the ridiculous outfit. Her performance clothes had never felt like the academy uniform had. Despite the fact that everyone was wearing the same thing, in the orchestra there was a sense of belonging; it was nice to be part of a group without blending into the background.

“I’m actually going to wear a black suit, I thought it would look cool.”

Grace had been so proud of Vanya when she’d come back from the audition flushed with success. When Vanya had told her there was going to be a concert in less than two months and Vanya was hoping to wear a black suit like the other performers Grace had immediately set to work sewing Vanya suit that would fit her tiny frame perfectly. It was going to be perfect.

Dela’s eyes popped open wide with delight.

“Oh that sounds so cool! I wish I’d thought of that, maybe I can convince my mom to buy me a suit instead of a dress. You don’t mind me copying your idea, do you Vanya?”

Vanya had been about to cross the street to catch her bus back to the Academy stopped short. No one had ever wanted to copy her in anything, certainly not her clothes.

“I don’t mind at all, see you Monday. And good luck on your shopping trip!”

“Thanks Vanya!” Dela squealed with delight before throwing her arms around Vanya in a brief hug before dashing across the street to where her mother was parked. “Bye Vanya! See you Monday!” She yelled from where she was trying to open the door of her mother's station wagon without letting go of her violin. 

Less than a minute after Dela had clambered into her ride Vanya’s bus came around the corner. She swiped her pass without breaking stride and sat down the first row with a sigh. If only everything else was going as smoothly as her powers and her music.

She’d been trying to make friends with her siblings and had had limited success. Diego seemed to think she was making fun of him, Allison was more interested in spending time with Luther, Luther was more interested in spending time with Allison, Ben wanted to keep her as far from the dangerous aspects of the Academy as possible (and as an adult she could see he was worried for her but as an actual child it had felt like he saw her as a liability and a nuisance), and Five was annoyed that her orchestra practice was cutting into their shared library time and even _more_ annoyed that she was now making an effort to spend time with their other siblings. Amidst all of these failures there had been one small success, Klaus.

As it turned out, Klaus liked it when she played her violin because it often drowned out the wailing of ghosts and she would let him paint her nails as he rambled. In return she helped him find and cover the cameras in his room and talked to him about her music, and how maybe he should play the drums if he wanted to drown out the ghosts himself.

At that suggestion Klaus had burst out laughing.

“There is no way in hell daddy dearest would ever let me play anything as disruptive as the drums,” Klaus said it lightly, but Vanya could hear the hurt in his voice.

Vanya considered this. 

“There are lots of instruments that can make an unholy racket if played the wrong way, or the right way depending on how you look at it.”

Klaus’s face had broken into the biggest shit eating grin she’d ever seen him give.

“You are absolutely right Vanya darling! How have I been so blind? How have I missed this devilish nature of yours? And to think, the others think you’re boring!”

“Thanks Klaus!” Vanya said in a sarcastically chipper voice. “Backhand full of knuckle with that compliment.”

Klaus flapped a hand dismissively.

“Said with love Vanya, and you know it.”

Vanya had only laughed and gone to join Five in the library so he could rant about being ready for time travel again.

It had felt like being simultaneously punched in the gut and dropped into an icy bath the first time Five had brought up time travel. Had she changed something that was going to lead to Five vanishing earlier than he had in the previous timeline? But then she remembered, he had done this the first time too. Had complained that dad wasn’t taking his abilities seriously and was holding him back.

“I’m sure you could time travel Five,” she’d finally said interrupting what was devolving into a temper tantrum. “But how much control would you have over it? What if you went forward and couldn’t go back? What if you land so far in the future we’re all gone and you get stuck there? Please don’t go until dad says you’re ready, for me?”

She’d flashed her best puppy dog eyes at him until he had relented with bad grace and a scowl. As a conciliation she’d offered to be his sounding board for his calculations on jumping _back_ through time. He had reluctantly admitted that his current theories did need a little work before they should be tested.

In the original timeline Vanya had been too afraid of making Five angry with her to voice her concerns about time travel, and she had never regretted it more than when Five took her warnings seriously. Would it have been that easy to prevent all of his suffering the first time? It must have been; for everyone else, this _was_ the first time. 

Vanya had kept an eye out for any change in her siblings but so far she seemed to be the only one who remembered the future. Part of her was sad; it was a little lonely, saving the world would be so much easier with some help, but on the other hand she was secretly a little relieved that none of them had come back with her. They had all gone through such horrific trauma, no two experiences the same, and it had ruined their lives. The children her siblings currently were, were damaged, but not the way they would become if Reginald wasn’t stopped.

“Hey, kid!” The bus driver called, breaking Vanya out of her reverie. “Isn’t this your stop?”

It was. She’d been so lost in her own thoughts she hadn’t noticed they’d reached the bus stop one block from the Academy. 

“Thanks!” Vanya called over her shoulder as she jumped up and made her way to the doors in the middle of the bus. “I was out of it, sorry!”

“No problem little lady! You bring an umbrella? It started coming down a few minutes ago.”

Vanya sighed; it had been a cloudless sunny day when she walked out of the orchestra rehearsal. She had no way to test it yet, but she was pretty sure that whenever she was upset it started to rain, which was mildly concerning if you considered what it meant in terms of power magnitude.

Hopping from the bus to the curb Vanya booked it all the way to the Academy front doors with her violin case bouncing off her back as she ran and let herself in. Closing the door behind her Vanya pushed the hood of her sweatshirt back and looked around for any signs of life.

The front hall was dark gloomy and depressing but one could hardly blame the weather for that. Even when the sun was shining through the windows in the sitting room and dining room the hall was depressing as shit.

Just when Vanya had decided that the other’s must still be in training Allison’s voice came from a dark corner on the mezzanine.

“Why did I have to find out about your concert when I found mom tailoring your suit?”

Vanya blinked in surprise. She hadn’t meant to keep the concert a secret, it was just that the “Concert” was really just the opening act for a charity event, it wasn’t even going to be a full orchestra and Vanya hadn’t thought that thirteen year old Allison would actually be interested in it.

Judging from the way Allison was pouting with her arms crossed over her chest Vanya had been wrong. She had been wrong and she’d hurt her sister’s feelings, it was a little surprising even now to learn that she was important enough in anyone’s life to do that. To cause emotional pain.

Vanya found that she had to swallow around the lump in her throat before she could reply.

“I didn’t think you’d care about orchestra music. I didn’t mean for it to be a secret, really I didn’t. I was discussing it with Ben and Five and Klaus the other day actually. I guess you weren’t paying attention.” 

Allison flinched.

Okay, that was a little mean, but if it made Allison think about communication being a two way street it could only be a good thing. As a child, Allison had been convinced that the world ought to revolve around her and other people should do all the work in relationships. It was something she hadn’t unlearned in time to save her marriage or keep her child in another life.

Vanya might not have the best track record with relationships herself but being an adult gave her a little perspective here. She was trying to be a better sister this time around and she was the adult here after all. An olive branch would be called for.

“I was thinking of painting my nails white for the show,” Vanya started carefully hoping this wouldn’t blow up in her face. “Maybe even wearing eyeshadow. I was going to go to Grimbles to get make up, if you--” Vanya broke off nervous in the face of what she was about to do. “If you wanted to come with me to help me pick something out.”

Allison blinked in surprise before she smiled cautiously.

“That-that could be fun.”

Vanya’s answering smile was small but full of hope.

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner four days later was an uncomfortable affair. In all fairness dinner was always an uncomfortable affair, because there was something unspeakably hellish about looking down the long table at the man responsible for so much pain and suffering every single night. On the bright side it gave her a chance to observe her adversary at length. God knows she wouldn’t be able to eat anything tonight.

Vanya was certain he hadn’t noticed that she was weaning herself off the pills; she had become quite adept at faking popping her pills at the appropriate intervals and always acted meek as a mouse in his presence, only coming out of her shell around her siblings when she knew the cameras were covered. Vanya felt she was probably being overly cautious; her father hadn’t paid attention to her since her started her on drugs.

As unpleasant as her father was tonight most of Vanya’s discomfort came from the gramophone. It had been a staple of their entire hellish childhood, every dinner was accompanied by some bone dry academic droning at about whatever topic father wanted to subject them to that particular evening. For years Vanya had wondered why mountain rescue had made the list for their dinner curriculum. The Academy had never done a mountain rescue, had only ever once practiced the knots required to rappel down a cliff face, and even then it had only been rope practice not a practical demonstration.

Herr Carlson droned on.

Vanya’s eyes flicked to Five. In her first life he had left less than a minute after this particular dinner started, hadn’t even touched his food before demanding to be allowed to time travel. Tonight he was eating with a mulish look on his face. This time he was still working on his calculations because he had promised her he wouldn’t jump forward until he was sure he could jump back. And that should make her feel better, and it did, except...except she knew Five better than anyone else at this point. And as much as she loved him, he often overestimated his own abilities.

He could jump tomorrow and get stuck in a future she couldn’t predict. She had made small changes so far but if she wanted to keep her siblings safe she was going to have to do something big.

Vanya glanced at the knife gripped tightly in her hand and considered the possibilities. One month of reduced doses and five days drug free had left Vanya feeling strong and her practice had left her feeling capable. She might never get a better chance than right now.

Before she could think better of it, Vanya slammed the point of the knife into the dining room table.

If she weren’t so nervous that she wanted to puke, her siblings startled faces would be hilarious. Diego’s mouth had fallen open in surprise, Ben’s eyebrows were somewhere near his hairline, Allison was looking at her like she’d grown a second head, Five looked like he wanted to know why he hadn’t been informed about her table stabbing plans beforehand, and Luther looked like someone had hit him over the head with mom’s cast iron skillet. Klaus only looked faintly amused, he was used to being the troublemaker but he seemed delighted at the prospect of someone else drawing out their father’s disapproval.

All of this was secondary; Vanya was focused on the man that had bought them and then proceeded to break them. For one moment he had stopped chewing. She’d finally gotten his attention. _Good._

"Number Seven."

Vanya smiled to herself. Five wasn’t about to jump away _now._ She could steal his lines. 

“I have a question.”

Vanya had played Five’s disappearance over and over again in her mind over the years he had been gone. She remembered every beat of the dance between Sir Reginald and Five in these moments, and he _paused_ with her. That hadn’t happened before.

“Knowledge is an admirable goal, but you know the rules. No talking during mealtimes.”

To the casual observer Reginald Hargreeves sounded bored and mildly irked by her outburst. The casual observer couldn’t hear his heartbeat quicken; Vanya could.

“You are interrupting Herr Carlson.”

Vanya closed her eyes and smiled. Alone in the attic where there were no cameras to spy on her, she had practiced her control by attempting to braid her hair using her powers. The result had been merely acceptable but Vanya blamed her own disinterest in hairstyling for that. Moving the gramophone’s needle off the record was far simpler; all she needed for that was her father’s heartbeat.

Herr Carlson’s nasally voice cut off, the record itself kept spinning, and Vanya kept her eyes closed. Everyone had stopped what they were doing, even Reginald had gone still.

“I have a question,” Vanya repeated. Her own heart was racing, beating wildly against her chest with excitement; there was no going back now.

Vanya opened her eyes and let her power shine through.

“Why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance?”


	4. Hung Like The Pelt Of Some Prey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And you thought your family dinners were awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I write this chapter so quickly to compensate for the fact that I am stuck on my other project? Yes, yes I did. That being said all the comments and encouragement I've been getting has been absolutely inspirational, thank you so much to every single person who commented; it really does mean the world to me.

The last thing Vanya wanted to do was to frighten these child versions of her siblings (and if she was being realistic they were probably the _only_ versions of her siblings she had left) but the kid gloves were off and she had to make it clear to Reginald right now that she was done playing around.

If her siblings had been surprised when she stabbed the table it was nothing compared to how they reacted to seeing her eyes glow, and she hadn’t even really done anything but turn off the gramophone yet. But at the same time she had done something no one else had done yet, she had thrown a gauntlet at Reginald’s feet and dared him to pick it up. She was challenging him, and he didn’t know what would happen next.

He hadn’t answered her question.

She hadn’t really expected him to.

When all was said and done, Vanya didn’t really care what Reginald Hargreeves had to say for himself. She’d mostly asked because she knew it would get everyone’s attention, would make them wonder what the hell was going on.

Vanya tilted her head to the right and blinked her white eyes.

“Cat got your tongue?” She asked sarcastically.

She was the predator here, and she’d just scented blood. Reginald’s face was twisted with anger but there was fear in his eyes and Vanya could see it from the end of the table. 

“What is the meaning of this Number Seven!” He roared from his seat at the head of the table, setting down his utensils with force to let her know he was angry.

Her siblings flinched but Vanya merely raised her eyebrows at the display of temper. In her mind Reginald had always been this terrible towering figure, raining his disapproval on everything she had ever done or been. Even when she’d been an adult and hadn’t seen him in over a decade she had been afraid of him. But after everything that had happened, after everything she had done, Reginald Hargreeves didn’t frighten her anymore. She could see him for what he was: a vicious old man that ended up being the catalyst for the end of the world.

“Oh come now,” she said, keeping her voice light, mock playful. “Surely you remember! I was about four-ish and you decided that since I wasn’t jumping through your hoops quickly enough you were going to drug me up to my eyeballs, and then because that wasn’t despicable enough for you, you had Allison Rumor me into thinking I didn’t even _have_ powers.”

Their brother’s heads all snapped to Allison, who had clapped both her hands over her mouth, her eyes huge and terrified. Vanya wondered if her sister had just remembered that night in the vault? Had she realized what Reginald had used her to do? 

Reginald had gone white faced with fury, his eyes blazing. The part of Vanya that blew up the moon wondered if she could melt his eyes inside his skull.

“Out of curiosity did she have to Rumor the others too or was it just me?” 

Her brothers seemed torn, unsure who to look at: Vanya with her glowing eyes, Reginald with his mounting fury or Allison who looked ready to shake apart with guilt.

“I suppose it doesn’t really make a difference in the end but, hey,” she shrugged, her tone dismissive. “I’m curious.”

For a moment Sir Reginald appears speechless with fury, breathing noisily through his nose before the dam broke.

“Insolent child! You could not be trusted with your powers! They were destructive and lead to several deaths!”

Vanya didn’t even flinch; without her drugs she had begun to dream of the past, and after a few weeks of reduced doses she had remembered her nannies and had been sick to her stomach to remember that Reginald hadn’t told her killing them was bad.

“I was four, I didn’t know what death meant,” Vanya’s lip curled as she spoke. “You never told me killing people was bad, and why would you?”

She gestured to her siblings who were staring at her with varying levels of disbelief and horror. Luther’s head was whipping back and forth between her and Reginald but the others seemed transfixed by the horrible words tumbling from her mouth.

“How many people have you had _them_ kill?! As I recall you were more upset about the broken window than the dead nanny! And don’t pretend you drugged me out of concern for other people’s safety, you decided to get rid of my powers when I got annoyed and cracked your monocle during training.”

Reginald’s lips thinned.

“I know you drugged me and Rumored me because I was refusing to march to the beat of your drum but that seems like an awful lot of work. If I was really as dangerous and uncontrollable as you claim wouldn’t it have been easier to just kill me then?”

Beside her Five makes a strangled whimper in his throat but Vanya ignores it. She has thought about what a confrontation with Reginald Hargreeves would look like almost non-stop since she woke up, and she knew from the beginning that she would need her siblings to witness it. They have to hear this, no matter how badly it would hurt.

“You never do anything out of the goodness of your heart so I’ll admit I was stumped for a while as to my own continued existence, but I have two theories on that one. Would you like to hear them?” Vanya paused to give Reginald the chance to speak.

“This is beyond insolence, I forbid you to speak of this!”

Vanya rolled her eyes. _Typical._

She didn’t flick her wrist, she didn’t jerk her head, she made no outward moves at all, but every plate, candle, and pitcher on the table shot up ten feet into the air. Vanya leaned forward and leveraged herself into a standing position on top of the table and stared her father down.

“Theory one: you weren’t sure,” Vanya said, completely ignoring the spluttering coming from her siblings. “Which of us would be the cause of the Apocalypse.”

Nobody moved, no one even blinked. Even Grace standing at the edge of the room was watching transfixed.

“The way I figure it, three of us have the potential to bring about the end of days.”

The chandelier above her head was swinging in a nonexistent breeze. She breathed in deeply, trying to remain calm. She needed them to be aware of the dangers the man they called father posed to them, but god she didn’t want to be the one to hurt them like this.

“I could probably blow up the moon if I wanted to, Klaus has access to a plane of existence that holds literally every person who has ever lived, and Ben is a portal to eldritch beings from another dimension.”

Vanya didn’t even have to look at them to know her brothers were startled to be singled out as possible candidates for the apocalypse; she could hear it. She could hear it in the catch of their breathing and in the wild thudding of their hearts.

She took a step forward.

“So after you drugged and Rumored me, you let Klaus start doing gateway drugs,” she waved a hand to indicate the freshly rolled joint Klaus still held between his fingers.

“You can’t control Ben’s tentacles anymore than you can control my brain, so part of me wonders how you planned to subdue something impervious to drugs? Are you planning on getting my brother killed Reginald?”

Everyone turned to the man at the head of the table. Part of Vanya wished he would deny it (even if she knew it would be a lie); he didn’t. He didn’t deny it. She’d never really thought Ben’s death had been an accident but having confirmation did not make it better.

“Theory two,” Vanya spoke into the terrible quiet that had fallen. “You _were_ certain that I would be the cause of the Apocalypse.”

She took another step in Reginald’s direction and gestured to her siblings.

“You were certain it would be me, and you were going to make them kill me.”

Five made a noise like a wounded animal, Allison was openly crying, Luther looked like the ground had been ripped out from under his feet, Diego was wide eyed and terrified, Ben looked like he was about to be violently sick and Klaus looked like he was seconds away from jumping out of his seat and running out the front door.

“Did you ever even consider letting us learn to control our powers at our own pace? Or were you too focused on building a team of heroes to stand as a towering monument to your own ego?!”

By the end of her sentence she was screaming, she had meant to get through this whole ordeal without raising her voice, but now, _oh now she wanted_ **_answers._ **

“We’re just kids! How could you do this to us? We’re just kids.” Her voice broke on the last word.

For a long moment no one spoke, then Reginald pushed back his chair and stood to look at her, still standing on his table.

“You were never _just_ children.”

And with that parting shot Reginald Hargreeves walked out of the dining room motioning for Grace to follow him without a backward glance.

 

* * *

 

 

Vanya was crying. She wasn’t sure when she had started crying, but it must have been a while ago because her cheeks were covered in tears. She rubbed her cheeks roughly with the sleeve of her blazer, furious with herself for crying in front of Reginald.

“Vanya?”

Allison’s voice was wobbly and so unsure as she addressed her that Vanya found herself wanting to cry all over again.

“I--I didn’t _know._ Oh god I’m so sorry! I didn’t know!”

Allison’s voice had become a wail and her hands were gripping her face so hard there were little half moon marks pressed into her cheeks.

Vanya fell to her knees and pulled her sister forward into a hug.

“I’m not mad at you Allison! It wasn’t your fault! You were four years old!”

She was crying again, tears slipping out onto her already damp cheeks.

“I love you Allison! I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.”

There was a whooshing pop and Five appeared just behind Allison’s chair.

“You _knew_ he took away your powers and you didn’t _tell me?!_ ”

Five’s eyes were shining with tears and he looked hurt and angry that Vanya had kept something so critical from him.

“If he thought,” Vanya said with a voice shaky with pain. “For even one moment that I was figuring it out and was going to tell someone, he would have done something terrible to you Five. I couldn’t risk that, I love you too much.”

Five looked like he wanted to protest but his lip was wobbling too much, so instead her threw his arms around her in a hug, and action made awkward by the fact that Allison was still clinging to Vanya too.

“But--but Dad wouldn’t hurt us,” Luther sounded so damn lost that Vanya had to hold back a sob.

“Are y-you k-kidding me L-luther?” Diego’s stutter, a sure sign that he was upset, surfaced as the two most antagonistic members of the family butted heads.

“H-he dr-drugged V-vanya for years ap-p-parently a-and he p-practicly admitted th-that he’d p-planned to k-kill B-ben.”

“Maybe he was right,” Ben whispered not looking up from where is folded hands were pressed against his stomach.

Icy horror slid down Vanya’s spine and Klaus let out a whimper and hugged his knees to his chest, curling into a protective ball without ever getting out of his chair. 

“Ben, listen to me, he’s wrong. Dad is wrong.You are not a monster, and you certainly don’t deserve to die. You too Klaus, you two are not monsters!”

Ben’s lip wobbled and he finally looked up at her.

“Dad thinks I could cause the end of the world. I could kill everyone, how much proof do you need that I’m a monster?”

“ _Oh Ben,_ ” Vanya whispered before gently disentangling herself from Five and Allison’s grip.

She moved so that she was sitting on the table directly in front of Ben’s seat her legs dangling between them.

“Ben, please look at me,” Vanya spoke with the sort of voice you use for skittish animals hoping to keep from upsetting her brother further. When he finally looked up, Vanya could see he was crying silently.

“You are not a monster Ben. You hate violence and you don’t even like using your powers.”

Vanya reached forward and gently placed her hands on top of Ben’s where they pressed into his stomach.

“Your...tummy tenants do not make you a bad person; being able to do something doesn’t mean you want to or even will do it. And I don’t think for a moment you would ever hurt us.”

“But I could,” Ben whispers, and his voice is filled with such pain that Vanya wants to follow her father into his office and kill him with her bare hands.

Instead she reaches above her head and catches the single knife she had called down from their still floating dinner service. With her other hand she drew Ben’s right hand away from his stomach.

“Alright then,” Vanya said in a resigned voice. “I guess you’ll have to kill me first then.”

And with that she tucked the handle of the knife into Ben’s open palm and positioned the blade against her own throat, behind her she could hear Luther splutter and Diego’s sharp intake of breath, but everyone else seemed too stunned to react.

“Because if you are too dangerous to live Ben, then I certainly am.”

Ben’s eyes were huge as they flicked from her eyes to the point of the blade against her neck.

“Vanya,” he whispered, and god no one this young should ever have to sound so horrified.

“I can’t kill you.”

“Exactly,” Vanya spoke loudly enough to carry to the rest of their siblings.

“And that is how I know Reginald Hargreeves is not only full of bullshit but also without an ounce of human compassion. We are so much more than his plans for us, because he saw us as tools, as things. He never saw us as people.”

“But-but he’s our dad? He loves us...doesn’t he?”

Everyone turned to look at Luther, even Klaus who was hunched in his chair straightened enough to get a look at Number One who looked so very lost.

“Oh Luther,” Vanya said softly, closing her eyes and bringing the remaining contents of the dinner table back down gently. 

“What did he ever do that made you think he loved us?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think next chapter I might do a Five POV. What do you guys think? Please comment, even if it is just a keyboard smash.


	5. No Other Version Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five's POV on what just went down, plus a sneak peek at the next chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I have never written a Five POV before but I just felt we needed to see how this adult Vanya was being seen by the people around her. Please please please comment and tell me what you think of this chapter!

Five Hargreeves did not like being kept in the dark, not about anything, and certainly not when it came to do with his favorite sibling. But Vanya was hiding _something_ from him, that much was obvious, but for the life of him he just couldn’t figure out _what._  

She had been acting oddly for a month, ever since she had that fever induced nightmare about hurting Allison. But instead of withdrawing further into her shell she had become more outgoing and had even started joking around with them and talking about her music with the others. Before that had only been something she had done with Five. Ever since the nightmare Vanya had taken to spending time with the others after lessons and orchestra rehearsal, and while Five knew objectively that Vanya was allowed to spend time with them if she wanted, it still stung that he was no longer the only one she confided in.

Five glanced to his right as he ate. Vanya hadn’t even touched her food yet; she was just sitting there holding her knife and fork, eyes roving around the table as if she wasn’t sure how she had ended up here. Slowly she put the fork down and regarded the knife more carefully.

 Five frowned. It was the same cutlery they always used at dinner, why was she looking at it like that?

Suddenly the far away look in Vanya’s eyes vanished, she straightened her shoulders and gripped the knife firmly before slamming the point into the table by her plate.

_Holy shit, she’d finally snapped._

“Number Seven.”

Everyone except dad was staring at Vanya like they had never seen her before. The old man just sounded bored.

A barely there smile played at the corner or Vanya’s lips.

“I have a question.”

There was something wrong with Vanya’s voice; she never sounded like this. When they were alone she was happy to gush about her music or playfully call him out on his oversights with his calculations. Now she sounded cold and hard. She didn’t sound like herself at all.

“Knowledge is an admirable goal, but you know the rules. No talking during mealtimes. You are interrupting Herr Carlson.”

And with that father began to eat again, One and Three following his lead immediately. Diego however had stopped messing around with his knife and was side eyeing Vanya carefully and Klaus had popped his chin into his hand to watch whatever Vanya was going to do next. Ben was still looking at his book, but his eyes weren’t moving and Five would bet that he too was waiting to see what would happen next.

Vanya didn’t look upset or even particularly surprised by their father’s dismissal and merely closed her eyes. They were still closed when the needle lifted off the gramophone and cut off Herr Carlson’s lecture on mountain rescue.

_What the fuck?_

The record was still spinning, Five could see it from his seat, but the needle had lifted and moved to its resting state.

Everyone had stopped moving, even mom looked surprised, and mom didn’t have much in the way of facial expressions beyond smiles.

“I have a question,” Vanya repeated, enunciating every word carefully, as if father had simply misheard her the first time.

Vanya seemed to steel herself and then opened her eyes. Her glowing white eyes.

_What the fuck?_

“Why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance?”

_What the fuck?!_

Five quickly looked at everyone else; this had to be a surprise for them too right?! If he was the only one that had missed the fact that Vanya was developing powers he would never live it down, but also why in the world would dad want to kill her?

Dad looked furious, but that was just sort of how his face always looked as far as Five was concerned, and it was gratifying to see that everyone else looked even more surprised than he did. Except for Vanya, Vanya just looked wildly unimpressed.

“Cat got your tongue?”

She said it sarcastically but Five could hear the anger simmering beneath the surface.

“What is the meaning of this Number Seven!”

Five flinched; that tone of voice from father meant punishment, meant doing jumps until he passed out. Five had no idea what it would mean for Vanya but he was willing to bet it would be painful.

“Oh come now,” she said and her tone was deceptively light, almost playful; Five could hear the anger in that tone.

“Surely you remember! I was about four-ish and you decided that since I wasn’t jumping through your hoops quickly enough you were going to drug me up to my eyeballs, and then because that wasn’t despicable enough for you, you had Allison Rumor me into thinking I didn’t even _have_ powers.”

Five jerked his head in Allison’s direction. She had done **_what_ ** to Vanya?!  

“Out of curiosity did she have to Rumor the others too or was it just me?”

_What._

Allison had covered her mouth and looked horrified. Judging from her expression alone, she definitely _had_ Rumored away Vanya’s powers. _What the fuck was wrong with her?!_

“I suppose it doesn’t really make a difference in the end but, hey,” she shrugged, her tone dismissive. “I’m curious.”

Five wanted to scream; what did she mean ‘it doesn’t really make a difference’?! Part of her had been bound and locked away and person who had thrown away the key was just sitting there!

“Insolent child!” Their father roared.

Five flinched; he didn’t think he had ever seen his father this angry before.

“You could not be trusted with your powers! They were destructive and lead to several deaths!”

_Deaths? Vanya? That was impossible; Vanya would never hurt anyone. Vanya had cried harder than he had when he’d broken his arm when they were seven._

“I was four, I didn’t know what death meant,” Vanya’s lip curled as she spoke. “You never told me killing people was bad, and why would you?”

_What was happening?_

Vanya waved her hand to gesture at the rest of the table.

“How many people have you had _them_ kill?! As I recall you were more upset about the broken window than the dead nanny! And don’t pretend you drugged me out of concern for other people’s safety, you decided to get rid of my powers when I got annoyed and cracked your monocle during training. I know you drugged me and Rumored me because I was refusing to march to the beat of your drum but that seems like an awful lot of work. If I was really as dangerous and uncontrollable as you claim wouldn’t it have been easier to just kill me then?”

 _Oh god_ that made so much more sense than Five ever wanted it to.

“You never do anything out of the goodness of your heart so I’ll admit I was stumped for a while as to my own continued existence, but I have two theories on that one. Would you like to hear them?” 

_Two theories? Five was struggling to come up with one!_

“This is beyond insolence, I forbid you to speak of this!”

Vanya didn’t even blink, she just continued to make eye contact with Reginald as she sent everything on the table into the air to float near the chandelier. Once her path was clear she leaned forward and heaved herself onto the table and stared their father down.

“Theory one: you weren’t sure which of us would be the cause of the Apocalypse.”

_The what?_

“The way I figure it, three of us have the potential to bring about the end of days.”

**_What?!_ **

“I could probably blow up the moon if I wanted to, Klaus has access to a plane of existence that holds literally every person who has ever lived, and Ben is a portal to eldritch beings from another dimension.”

_Vanya could blow up the moon?!_

If Five had been forced to rank his siblings in order of likeliness to cause the Apocalypse he’s pretty sure he would have put Klaus, Vanya, and Ben at the bottom of the list, but when put like that it made his Brothers’ abilities sound far more sinister than he had ever considered them to be.

In the wake of her pronouncement Vanya took a step towards their father.

“So after you drugged and Rumored me,” and fuck but she said that like it was nothing. Like part of her hadn’t been caged for almost ten years. 

“You let Klaus start doing gateway drugs.”

Five had wondered how Klaus had been able to do drugs right under the nose of Reginald Hargreeves; it wasn’t like his brother was exactly subtle.

“You can’t control Ben’s tentacles anymore than you can control my brain, so part of me wonders how you planned to subdue something impervious to drugs? Are you planning on getting my brother killed Reginald?”

Dead silence. No one spoke. Dad...dad didn’t look surprised or even guilty about Vanya’s accusation.

 _No._ **_No._ ** _He wouldn’t, not Ben, he wouldn’t hurt Ben. Oh god he would, wouldn’t he?_

“Theory two,” Vanya spoke into the terrible quiet that had fallen. “You _were_ certain that I would be the cause of the Apocalypse.”

Vanya took another step closer to the monster at the end of the table.

“You were certain it would be me, and you were going to make them kill me.”

Once during training Five hadn’t been able to jump away fast enough and had caught Luther’s fist on his sternum. It had been one of the single most painful injuries of his entire childhood and Five had curled up on the floor, in so much pain that he couldn’t breathe and whimpered. The words that just came out of Vanya’s mouth were definitely more painful than anything Luther had ever dished out.

“Did you ever even consider letting us learn to control our powers at our own pace? Or were you too focused on building a team of heroes to stand as a towering monument to your own ego?!”

Her voice had risen to a shout, and Five was just realizing now that he had never heard Vanya yell before. Was that something else dad had taken away from her?

“We’re just kids! How could you do this to us? We’re just kids.”

Vanya was crying, tears pouring down her cheeks without reservation. Father just glares at her as he stands.

“You were never _just_ children.”

Five watches him leave and fury burns in his gut. How dare he? _How dare he talk to Vanya like that?!_

“Vanya?”

Allison’s sounded as bad as Five felt.

“I--I didn’t _know._ Oh god I’m so sorry! I didn’t know!”

Vanya’s shoulders slump and she falls to her knees and pulls Allison in for a hug.

“I’m not mad at you Allison! It wasn’t your fault! You were four years old! I love you Allison! I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.”

Unable to stand it anymore Five stood up and jumped behind Allison’s chair.

“You _knew_ he took away your powers and you didn’t _tell me?!_ ”

Vanya looks at him like she wants to start crying again.

“If he thought, for even one moment that I was figuring it out and was going to tell someone, he would have done something terrible to you Five. I couldn’t risk that, I love you too much.”

_Oh Vanya, you shouldn’t have had to do this alone._

Five threw his arms around her and tried not to cry.

“But--but Dad wouldn’t hurt us,” Luther sounded like he was trying to reconfigure his world to include everything he had learned in the last five minutes.

“Are y-you k-kidding me L-luther?” Diego was stuttering again, which he only did if he was nervous or upset.

“H-he dr-drugged V-vanya for years ap-p-parently a-and he p-practicly admitted th-that he’d p-planned to k-kill B-ben.”

“Maybe he was right,” Ben whispered through his tears.

Vanya wormed out of his grip and moved to sit in front of Ben.

“Ben, listen to me, he’s wrong. Dad is wrong.You are not a monster, and you certainly don’t deserve to die. You too Klaus, you two are not monsters!”

Five noticed that she hadn’t included herself in that.

Ben’s lip wobbled and he finally looked up at Vanya.

“Dad thinks I could cause the end of the world. I could kill everyone, how much proof do you need that I’m a monster?”

“ _Oh Ben,_ ” Vanya whispered. “Ben, please look at me,” Vanya spoke softly in a calming voice as if Ben was a wild animal she was trying to soothe.

Ben was still crying silently.

“You are not a monster Ben. You hate violence and you don’t even like using your powers.”

Vanya said all this the way you would say the earth is round and water makes things wet. She was right and she wanted them to know it.

Vanya reached forward and gently placed her hands on top of Ben’s where they pressed into his stomach.

“Your...tummy tenants do not make you a bad person; being able to do something doesn’t mean you want to or even will do it. And I don’t think for a moment you would ever hurt us.”

_Tummy tenants? The Horrors?_

“But I could,” Ben whispers.

“Alright then,” Vanya said in a resigned voice.

_Why does she sound resigned? Vanya what are you doing?_

“I guess you’ll have to kill me first then.”

**_??!!?!?!!!_ **

Vanya carefully tucked the handle of the knife into Ben’s open palm and moved his hand so the blade rested against her own throat. 

Five was pretty sure his brain had stopped working.

“Because if you are too dangerous to live Ben, then I certainly am.”

Ben’s eyes were huge as they flicked from her eyes to the point of the blade against her neck.

“Vanya,” he whispered horrified. “I can’t kill you.”

“Exactly,” Vanya said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“And that is how I know Reginald Hargreeves is not only full of bullshit but also without an ounce of human compassion. We are so much more than his plans for us, because he saw us as tools, as things. He never saw us as people.”

“But-but he’s our dad? He loves us...doesn’t he?”

Everyone turned to look at Luther, even Klaus who was hunched in his chair straightened enough to get a look at the boy they usually considered their leader.

“Oh Luther,” Vanya said softly, closing her eyes and bringing the remaining contents of the dinner table back down gently. 

“What did he ever do that made you think he loved us?”

Luther sucked in a breath like he’d been gut punched, his lips moving without sound for a moment before her turned and ran up the stairs towards their bedrooms.

Vanay sighed.

“Well I suppose that could have been worse.”

“How?” Diego asked from where he was still sitting staring at the remains of his dinner.

“How c-could that have p-possibly gone wo-worse?”

Five would like to know that too.

Vanya tilted her head, considering her reply.

“He could have decided dad was right and Ben, Klaus, and I are too dangerous. “

There is a pause where everyone considered this before Vanya speaks again.

“As much as Luther wants dad to love him, Luther cares about us too.”

Diego snorted derisively but said nothing and the others seemed to be trying to pull themselves back together.

“Allison,” Vanya said suddenly. “Do you think you remember how to get to the bunker where dad was keeping me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally know where this story is going! No more stumbling around looking for the plot! to hear me scream into the void find me on tumblr the-rainbow-spoon-incident2


	6. Put Down Her Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya breaks down a door and lays down the law.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer some questions that have popped up: No the other siblings will not be traveling back to their child bodies, this is a fresh start for everyone but Vanya who gets a redemption arc. Yes, this will have a happy ending I'm not a masochist.  
> Also I read every single comment you all leave. Really, I mean it, I gobble them up like some sort of feral hag. Anyway my tumblr is the-rainbow-spoon-incident2 if you want to hear me scream into the void.

**Allison**

Allison Hargreeves was a jittery wreck, overwrought and anxious. In the span of five minutes her sister had demonstrated that their father had lied to them about Vanya’s abilities for years and used Allison to do it, and was planning on killing Ben if he proved unable to control The Horrors.

Allison had known the way they were raised wasn’t normal, they weren’t normal children after all, but until just now she had never realized that the way they were raised was _wrong._ Part of her wanted to run up the stairs like Luther, wanted to hide from the truth of her own memories. The others could only imagine her Rumoring away Vanya’s powers but Allison could remember it with startling clarity. She could remember the bunker with its vault like door and tiny window, its walls lined with noise canceling spikes. She could remember how cold and alone Vanya had looked sitting on that cot. Oh god, why hadn't she realized something was wrong at the time; looking back everything about it felt wrong!

“Allison,” Vanya’s voice cut through her spiraling. “Do you think you remember how to get to the bunker where dad was keeping me?”

Allison almost choked.

“Why would you want to go there?!”

Vanya simply gave her a hard thin lipped smile.

“I have unfinished business with that bunker,” Vanya said coldly and hopped off the table brushing off her skirt as she went. “And I think you should see it too.”

 

* * *

 

Ten minutes and one pit stop for Vanya to grab her violin later found Numbers Two through Seven standing in the corridor that led to the bomb shelter that Reginald Hargreeves had turned into a cage for a small superpowered child.

Allison was shivering, she had been shivering since all six of them had piled into the elevator, no one wanting to be left behind. She couldn’t help it; she felt like all her limbs were filled with ice. She felt like she was returning to the scene of a murder, one she had committed. 

In contrast Vanya seemed eerily calm. Still and stony faced, staring down the place where her power had been taken from her.

For a moment no one spoke, they all just stood ten paces from the enormous door at the end of the corridor. Unsurprisingly it was Klaus that broke the silence.

“He locked you in there?”

His face was pale and covered in a thin sheen of sweat and Allison didn’t think she had ever heard him sound so serious.

“Yes,” Vanya said simply. “I was tired of training, focusing on one noise in a din was hard and I didn’t want to do it anymore and he was making me do it anyway and I got so annoyed that I smashed all of the training glasses and cracked his monocle.”

Suddenly she snorted.

“That was when I became too dangerous for him. Not when I killed people, but when I proved I could hurt _him_.”

In Allison’s mind their father was this untouchable pillar, and according to Vanya she had been poking holes in that facade since she was four.

“Well,” said Vanya briskly. “No point in standing around staring at the thing. Everyone get behind me.”

“What?” Five asked sounding as confused as Allison felt.

“If you could stand behind me please, I’m getting better at this but I’d hate to hurt any of you when I break down the door.”

There was only one door she could possibly mean and yet, she couldn't be serious. It was at least two feet thick and designed to withstand explosions. But Vanya wasn’t looking at her; Vanya was opening her violin case and looked for all the world like she was getting ready to practice for her concert.

Five stepped toward her slowly, a concerned look on his face.

“Is that safe to do? The whole thing looks built into the foundations, and as much as I approve of giving dad the middle finger I’d really rather not be buried in rubble.

Vanya flinched but nodded after a moment’s pause.

“It’ll be fine; I’m just going to make the door unusable, don’t worry guys,” she said with a bitter twist to her lips. “I’m not going to destroy everything.”

Personally Allison thought that was quite magnanimous of Vanya. If she had been the one stripped of her powers and then mocked and shunned for it she isn’t sure she could be as calm about it as Vanya had been so far. 

_And maybe it was telling that in this family stabbing a table and staging a coup over dinner could be viewed as a calm reaction._

Once the others were behind her Vanya she positioned her bow over the strings and began to play.

Immediately Allison felt all the hairs on the back of her neck stand up; this was unlike any song she had ever heard Vanya play, it was unlike anything she had ever _heard_ period. Allison wasn’t sure how to describe what she was hearing, she only knew than she could feel her sister’s rage and fury in the music even if it didn’t show on her face.

With a resounding crack the massive door split apart and fell to the ground in three distinct thuds.

Vanya opened her glowing white eyes and spoke in a satisfied tone, “There now! No more cages for us.” She paused to look over the rest of them. “Any of us,” she added firmly the glow vanishing from her eyes.

In the time it usually took them to eat dinner Vanya had upended everything Allison had come to expect from life. Part of her was afraid of the unknown but a growing part of her wondered what life would be like with someone who could stand up to father.

 

**Klaus**

Klaus Hargreeves was pretty sure he was in shock; the entire thing with Vanya having powers and using those powers at dinner had been a lot on their own you know? And then you had to factor in the dead nannies and the fact that Vanya had apparently been drugged for years after Allison had Rumored her into forgetting her powers, and dad planning on killing Ben, and Klaus possibly being able to cause the Apocalypse. It was a lot to take in.

And then Vanya had asked to go see the place where she had been locked up, taken her violin with her and proceeded to rip the enormous door to pieces with sound. Which was _fine._ _Really_ , if Vanya wanted to go ripping up the door to the place where she had been trapped and made powerless than Klaus certainly wasn’t going to stop her. It was only that, _holy shit Vanya was terrifying_ , and that was just one thing too many for his brain to process at the moment.

And it was when the dust was settling and she was turning around to put her violin back in its case that she looked at Klaus.

“No more cages for us, _any_ of us,” and Klaus knew without a shadow of doubt that if dad ever tried to lock him in the mausoleum again he was going to have to go through Vanya first.

 

**Vanya**

Vanya Hargreeves almost couldn’t believe she’d done it. She’d actually called her father out on being a shit person and a worse father and had able to show her brothers and sister the truth of the abuse they were going through. That’s not to say she was done with Reginald, _oh no._ She wasn’t finished with him, not by a long shot.

Vanya went through the motions of getting ready for bed, changing into pajamas, brushing her teeth, combing her obnoxiously long hair, when she realized she had an audience.

Five was standing in the doorway, still wearing his Academy uniform, looking terribly lost. Vanya felt a stab of guilt for keeping him in the dark for as long as she had.

“I’m going to go finish my chat with father, would you like to come?”

She had intended to do this by herself but she has spent the past month leaving Five out of her plans and she _knows_ how much it hurts to be the one left behind, especially when you’re thirteen.

“Of course I’m coming with you; you clearly have no sense of self preservation and it's up to me to make sure you don’t get in too deep.”

Vanya would take offence but Five looks so relieved by the offer that Vanya kicks herself for not asking him to spend more time with her earlier. Too late to change that now, she can only try to do better in future. Smiling encouragingly at Five she reaches for his hand and laces their fingers together before taking off down the hall. Five looks startled by the hand holding but doesn’t try to take his hand back.

The door to Reginald’s study was closed- _big surprise; the door was always closed_ \- but that wasn’t going to stop Vanya anymore. As soon as she reached the doors she pushed them open without bothering to knock.

Reginald Hargreeves sat at his desk writing in his journal. _The_ Journal. The one Leonard had somehow managed to get his grubby hands on and used to manipulate her. The sound of Reginald’s incessant scratching as his pen made its way across the page irritated Vanya and she narrowed her eyes and used the sound to slam the book shut.

Five squeezed her hand in silent warning, but Vanya had long since thrown caution to the wind.

Her father looked up a sneer already forming on his lips but Vanya wasn’t really in the mood to deal with anyone’s temper but her own at this very moment so she ignored it.

“I’m sure you already know I’ve taken care of the bunker you trapped me in last time but I thought we should finish our conversation from dinner now that we’ve both had some time to consider the situation.”

Reginald opened his mouth to say something that would, no doubt, be cutting and dismissive so Vanya steamrollered on.

“Great! So glad you agree! I am going to continue with my orchestra group; music helps me focus and channel my powers and if I’m in control of them I can’t accidentally end the world. Locking Klaus in a mausoleum where he feels overwhelmed isn’t going to help him master his powers, it's going to make him afraid of his powers because he thinks he can’t control them. Ben hates killing people, Diego just wants to be a teenager, Allison wants to be a movie star, Luther wants to be an artist and an astronaut and Five wants to focus on his time travel math. I know it has escaped your notice so far but we are _people_ and I am done letting you treat us like lab rats!”

Reginald leaned back to look imperiously down his nose at her and spoke with a dismissive air

“I never intended to break you all, it was simply necessary for you to reach your potential.”

“Bullshit,” Five said suddenly. “You had plans for the Apocalypse candidates and you still made the rest of us miserable. You just wanted to see what would happen.”

Reginald looked like he would rather enjoy slapping Five across the face for that comment so Vanya let her eyes glow in warning as she continued.

“My point is this: We will decide from now on what our training should consist of. No more having one of us stand in front of Diego’s target so he’s more motivated to get it perfect, no mausoleum trips for Klaus, and Ben will only use his powers if he wants to. We tried it your way Reginald and it didn’t work, so now we’re trying it my way. It won’t be perfect but least we’ll be allowed to make our own mistakes.”

Father only raised his eyebrows at her.

“You are going to have your work cut out for you Number Seven; Number One is loyal to the point of dependency, Number Two is antagonistic and unable to follow direction, Number Three is conceited and self absorbed, Number Four is childish and my greatest disappointment, Number Five,” he paused looking at Five. “You are impulsive and too sure of your own abilities and it's going to get you and other people killed one of these days, and Number Six is weak willed and next to useless.”

Five seemed to be wilting in on himself, no doubt recalling Vanya asking him not to be impulsive and wondering if she agreed with their father.

Vanya only shook her head.

“Unbelievable. You really spent all this time watching us and you have no idea what they are capable of do you?” And without waiting for an answer she spun on her heel and pulled Five along with her.

They only made it around the corner before they almost ran into Luther who was sitting on the floor, out of sight but well within hearing range of their father’s study, with silent tears pouring down his face.

“He doesn’t love any of us, does he?” Luther sounded so broken it made Vanya’s heart clench.

“No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t love anyone, I’m not sure he even can, but I do.”

Luther looked up, blinking in surprise.

“Whether you all like it or not I love you all, and I meant what I said about us figuring out what our powers mean to us at our own pace.”

Luther took a moment to absorb that before he nodded and pulled himself to his feet wiping at his tears as he went.

“When did you get so wise?”

“When the universe showed me what would happen if I didn’t try and save us from Reginald.”

Five’s head whipped in her direction. “What do you mean ‘the universe showed you’?”

Vanya smiled bitterly.

“Call it a premonition; do you remember that night I had a nightmare about hurting Allison? That was it, I had a chance to save us all and I took it.”

“You had a vision of the future?” Five sounds horrified and awestruck at the same time.

“Not sure what to call it exactly, but I guess vision works as well as anything else. Suffice it to say, I knew what was going to happen and I changed it and now I don’t know exactly what will happen next but I know we will have to face it together.”

They turned the corner of the hallway that led to the bedrooms and Vanya looked up with a frown. Five and Luther followed her gaze and landed on one of the many security cameras that observed the Umbrella Academy’s every moment. It was incredibly satisfying to rip it off the wall with her powers.

Luther jumped back but Five let out a startled laugh and suddenly Vanya was laughing too. She pulled down the next one and leaped forward to give the offending machinery a swift kick. 

Luther gave a weak chuckle. “You look silly,” he said, not unkindly.

Vanya smiled and pulled another one down and held it out for Luther to take.

“You wanna try?”

Luther hesitated before grabbing it out of the air and launching it at the hall behind them. All three of them started laughing even harder, so hard that Ben poked his head out of his room to see what had his siblings cackling like crazy people.

“What are you three _doing_?” Ben asked incredulously looking between them and the smashed camera bits dotting the hallway floor.

“Dismantling the system!” Five said through hysterical giggles as Vanya reached out with her powers and yanked the camera in Ben’s room off the wall and held it in front of his face. 

“Wanna try?” Vanya asked through her own giggles.

From there it was pure chaos; Vanya wasn’t sure when Klaus, Allison and Diego had joined the rest of them, but joined they had, and it was a riotous laughing mess until Vanya heard the click of Grace’s heels as she came down the hallway.

“Hello children,” Grace’s carefully modulated voice sounded amused. “It looks like the cameras were a casualty of your self appointed practice time, Vanya.”

Vanya snorted; that was the nicest way of saying she had gleefully and deliberately caused damage to Reginald’s monitoring system.

“Sorry about the mess mom,” Vanya said with a smile.

Grace smiled in return. “Its alright darling, why don’t the seven of you put on some shoes while I get this mess cleaned up. We wouldn’t want any of you to step on glass and hurt yourselves, now would we?”

Vanya recognized the tactical assist for what it was. Grace was giving them a chance to escape for the night, to get out from under the oppressive thumb of Reginald Hargreeves, and Vanya would be damned if she wasn’t going to take it. Judging from the smirks on her siblings’ faces they knew what it was as well as she did.

Ten minutes later, and wearing her favorite hoodie over her pajamas, Vanya Hargreeves slid down the drainpipe that led to the courtyard. The drainpipe had always been their preferred method to escape the Academy when they had been children; there was something so wonderfully adventurous and whimsical about sliding down a drain pipe to escape the stuffy confines of a mansion.

Pockets stuffed with bills she’d earned playing her violin on a street corner downtown, Vanya led the way to Griddy’s donut shop, grinning so widely her cheeks hurt.

The situation wasn’t perfect. They were still thirteen, still legally dependent on a powerful and dangerous man they could not trust. Vanya had changed too much to be able to accurately predict the future, there was always the chance that the Time Travel organization Five had only referenced offhandedly would be coming for her, or worse Five, for changing the timeline and she was still working on a game plan for that possible confrontation.

But not tonight; tonight was for her and her siblings to eat so many donuts that they would make themselves sick. Tonight was for joy.


	7. Burned Out From A Joy Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya takes the Umbrella Academy on a field trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the anon on Tumblr who asked about my update schedule: There isn’t one. I’m writing this in my free time between 50 hour work weeks and trying to move into a new apartment. I love these stories, I am not abandoning them, and I am happy you love them too, but I do not have time to post on a set schedule.  
> That being said I love when people comment on these fics; it is so motivating to see that other people care about these stories as much as I do and I encourage all of you to message me on tumblr if you have any questions or just want to talk about TUA or any of my other fandoms.

Vanya Hargreeves woke the next morning feeling cramped and sweaty and wasn’t sure why until she realized that Five’s left arm was slung across her clavicle and his nose was pressing into her neck and Klaus’s head pillowed on her stomach. Further investigation proved that Ben was curled up near the foot of her bed and Diego Allison and Luther, not wanting to be left out, were sleeping on pillows strewn about her floor. It was as if someone had snuck in overnight and replaced her siblings with overly affectionate puppies.

They had never done this before; their father had always discouraged any outward signs of affection and physical contact between them primarily consisted of violence. Seeing them relaxed in sleep _together_ made Vanya’s heart ache inside her chest. In her first life this morning had been terrible because Five was gone, Five had left her, and all she had left was the fruitless hope that her favorite brother would come back to her. She had spent the rest of her life waiting for that to happen, somehow even more so after the fifty-eight year old version of him appeared in the courtyard before their father’s funeral. But this time around Five was here with them and Vanya would do whatever was necessary to keep her family safe.

Content to bask in the moment Vanya settled down and watched Klaus try to bury his head further into her comforter and Five mumbled something that sounded like “magnetic gravitational field” before he smooshed his face into the crook of her neck started making whistling noises through his nose. Adorable, the lot of them were so freaking adorable Vanya wanted to squeal.

She was just about to drift back off when she heard the quiet patter of Pogo’s footsteps down the hallway broke into her good mood.

Pogo. Vanya had complicated feelings about Pogo. On the one hand, Pogo was also a victim of Reginald’s cruelty and had tried to make them feel loved as children. On the other hand, he hadn’t actually helped them. He was an adult and he knew what Reginald was doing was wrong and he did nothing to help them in any meaningful way. Never spoke out against the cruelty and abuse they faced every day. Never even spoke ill of the man, despite knowing what a monster he was. Pogo always firmly insisted that Reginald Hargreeves was a good man even when admitting to Vanya what had been done to her, and yeah, she was still pissed about that.

Deciding that she was going to have to face the fallout from last night sooner or later and she may as well do it on her own terms Vanya concentrated on the doorknob and pushed her door open as quietly as she could.

The footsteps in the hallway paused for a moment and then continued towards her door. The chimp looks chagrined and nervous when he gets to her open door, but it quickly becomes bemused as he takes in the tableau of the Umbrella Academy passed out in her tiny bedroom.

“Miss Vanya, I see that you are feeling well after last night excitement and have your powers as much under control as Grace said you did.”

Vanya smiled bitterly. “Sorry you missed the show, I would have sent you an invite but I wasn’t sure I would even do it until I was actually doing it. What do you want Pogo?”

Pogo looks startled and hurt by the hostility and quiet venom in her voice but she is **done** , okay? The whole meek as a mouse thing was irritating the first time around and now not only does she know why she always felt emotionally smothered and numb, but she can finally direct her anger at those responsible for making her that way.

“Your father had to leave early this morning, he expects he will be gone for a few days and that when he returns he will discuss your potential involvement as a member of the Umbrella Academy.”

Vanya’s jaw dropped.

“What?”

 

* * *

 

 

Fifteen minutes later finds all seven Hargreeves children in various states of coherence sitting around the breakfast table with Pogo standing nearby fidgeting under Vanya’s scrutiny and mom humming to herself in the background as she prepares pancakes and eggs for them.

“So let me get this straight,” Vanya says because honestly there were a lot of potential outcomes she had been prepared for (including but not limited to being kicked out of the house and assassination attempts) but Reginald wanting her to join his team of child soldiers hadn’t been one of them. 

“Dad left in the middle of the night but when he gets back he wants me to join group training and start coming on missions?”

Pogo nodded. “That is what he told me as he was readying to leave.” 

Vanya just stared at Pogo as mom started putting plates of food in front of them. To say that no one looked overjoyed at this announcement of potential family bonding was an understatement. There were varying levels of disbelief, anger, and resentment on everyone’s faces. It might have to do with the fact that no one was feeling exactly charitable towards Reginald Hargreeves at that particular moment. Vanya was attempting to corral her thoughts into some sort of rebuttal beyond _‘You’ve go to be fucking kidding me,’_ but Five beat her to it.

Five’s hair was sticking up in every direction and his arms were folded across his chest and he seemed to be positively vibrating with anger. “And why in the hell would any of us what to go on missions for him ever again? He’s been drugging Vanya for years and was planning on killing Ben and that’s not even touching the shit he’s put the rest of us through!”

Vanya felt a surge of gratitude as her siblings nodded in agreement with Five, angry on behalf of what happened to her as well as what might have happened to Ben. Only Luther, who had never escaped their father’s influence in their first life looked conflicted with the idea of disobeying orders.

“But...we help people. What if someone needs us and we’re not there to save them?”

He looked so lost that Vanya felt her heart clench at the pain she could see on his face, Vanya paused unsure of what to say without hurting him. Ben didn’t seem to share her concern.

“There are other people, adult people, who get paid to deal with that stuff Luther! Why should we be the ones fixing everything?”

Luther looked ready to say something about their super powers making them responsible to protect others (a speech he had made many times over the years as he tried to be a leader of a team that was quickly falling apart around him), and Diego and Five looked ready to lay into him for it and it was just too damn early for that shit. 

“Forget it! We can have this argument when he’s here and we can yell at him but in the meantime can we please just talk about something else?”

Luther and Diego (always ready to fight) looked like they were quite prepared to start yelling about it immediately and keep it up the entire time they were waiting for Reginald to get back so Vanya was quite relieved when Allison started talking over them.

“Why do we all go to Vanya’s orchestra rehearsal today? Afterwards we can go to that department store on the edge of town so Vanya can get some makeup for her concert.”

“Yay! Shopping trip!” Klaus cheered in a strained voice, clapping his hands together like a little kid.

Vanya felt her lips twitch at Klaus’s show of enthusiasm.

“Yep, I was thinking of doing something sparkly and white for my nails and something smokey and dramatic for my eyeshadow, what do you guys think?” She asked, knowing full well only Klaus and Allison would have an opinion.

They were able to pass the entirety of breakfast this way, talking about makeup and Vanya’s upcoming concert. Diego expressed mild trepidation at the idea of taking the public transportation service and Pogo looked up as if to offer to drive them but Vanya glared at him and said she knew the bus system very well and that they would be just fine on their own.

 

* * *

 

By the time all seven of them were on the bus Vanya almost regretted her decision not to have Pogo drive them to the Icarus. She had honestly forgotten how little her siblings had seen of the real world at this point in their lives. All their media was handpicked by Reginald; they had no TV and radios were only permitted for thirty minutes a day during their personal time. Outside of missions and Umbrella Academy publicity events her siblings generally weren’t allowed outside of the house. 

Even during her first life she had been allowed out to go to the library as a teenager, had been allowed to leave the house if she wanted, something her siblings had been forced to fight tooth and nail for as they got older.

At thirteen their view of the world was still limited to the glimpses they got as they exited limos or fought terrorists, not the finer points of utilizing public transportation. None of them had bus passes so they had to pay in cash which made all of them nervous and because they were all stubborn bastards they refused to admit they were nervous about something so pedestrian as taking a bus.

Diego and Luther had both tried to get on the bus first but by the time Diego was actually standing in front of the farebox he froze, unsure where to drop his coins. The only saving grace was the bus driver, an older man who had had the same route for twenty years and had never missed a day of work, he looked over Diego’s head and saw Vanya trying to worm her way through the crown of her siblings.

“Hi there Erny! My siblings are coming with me for my violin lesson today and they’ve never taken the bus before!”

_Please don’t ask questions; there are no good answers._

Erny merely raised his eyebrows at her. “You have one big family Little Lady,” he said but made no further comment about their peculiar group.

Once she had shown them where to drop their money Vanya swiped her pass and realized that all six of them were standing in the aisle waiting for her because they weren’t sure where to sit and by the time she got them seated they were all trying to stare out the windows because when father took them places there were always predetermined routes and blacked out limo windows. Griddy’s had been a place Ben had spotted on a mission and then weedled the others into sneaking out with him on nights when their father was out of town. On the bus they were seeing a part of town none of them had ever been to yet.

Vanya generally liked to arrive at the Icarus at least thirty minutes early for her rehearsals and was incredibly grateful for that habit now. Finding the conductor going over some sheet music backstage Vanya approached the man with mild trepidation. Not about the conductor; Mr. Bailey was a nice man devoted to sharing music with everyone, but about trying to explain her family to him.

“Hello Mr. Bailey!”

He looked up at her, his eyes crinkling his smile. “Good morning Miss Hargreeves, how are you doing this morning?”

“Very well thank you. My brothers and sister came with me today, their usual plans fell through and I was wondering if it would be okay for them to watch our practice.”

Mr. Bailey positively beamed at her. “How wonderful! An audience! Tell me, do any of them play music?”

Vanya thought of Diego learning to play electric guitar as a teenager to piss off their father, of Klaus’s potential interest in drumming to drown out the ghosts, of Five’s insistence that math and music were two sides of the same coin, of Luther’s slowly growing record collection.

“Not yet,” she said with a smile. “I think they just need to find the right instruments first, but they all like music.”

Mr. Bailey smiled widely at her. “Then of course they must watch!”

Excluding her concert that ended the world, her siblings had never been to any of her performances. Listening to a solitary violin play down the hall is a very different experience to being in a theater with an orchestra playing together.

None of them were sitting together Vanya noted sadly. They had spread out to different parts of the theater to watch on their own.

Luther and Klaus seem to both be entirely focused on the music, their eyes closed as they listen intently. Allison and Diego appear more interested in the musicians themselves, eyes focused on the performers’ hands and faces as they played together. Ben was reading a book that he’d brought with him but Vanya knew for a fact that Ben could navigate Klaus’s cluttered bedroom without one taking his eyes off the page of whatever book he was currently reading. In stark contrast to Ben’s relaxed demeanor Five appeared to be hyper focused on the string section, staring so intensely Vanya worried that he wasn’t blinking enough.

It was a good session, the other members seemed excited to be performing for people other than their own family members but without the pressure of an actual concert performance.

“I didn’t know you had such a big family,” Dela whispered to her as they were backing up their violins.

Vanya smiled to herself, if only she had met Dela the first time around; the girl was entirely uninterested in the Umbrella Academy hype and focused all her passion and drive on music, math, and style, in that order. Her siblings could introduce themselves wearing their mission uniforms and domino masks and it probably wouldn’t click for Dela unless Vanya shoved one of their comics under the other girl’s nose.

As it was, her siblings were _not_ wearing their mission uniforms, they weren’t even wearing their Academy Uniforms. Two months ago they had done a photoshoot for a teen magazine and each of them had been allowed to pick out a ‘street look’ outfit for one set of pictures, afterward they had been allowed to keep the clothes they had chosen. Her siblings looked like just another group of kids hanging out on their summer break and it made Vanya’s heart sing to see them like this.

“Yeah, I’ve been reliably informed that six siblings is a lot by most people’s standards,” Vanya said with a teasing lilt in her voice.

Dela snorted. “Yeah, I think I’ll just stick with just the one brother, he’s plenty.”

Vanya slung her violin case strap across her chest smoothly as she considered that. Six siblings felt like exactly the right number to Vanya but she was intimately acquainted with how it felt to have that number shrink. The very thought of missing any one of her siblings from the lineup made her stomach lurch.

“We’re going shopping this afternoon for some makeup for the concert and we have some time before the bus gets here if you wanted to meet them?”

“Sure!” Dela said as she pushed the door leading to stage left and headed into the audience.

Coming around the side of the stage so she could join up with her family Vanya was surprised to see them looking at Dela with confusion and...concern? Unsure of what was causing this hesitation in her siblings Vanya figured she should at least introduce them to her new friend.

“Everyone, this is Dela,” Vanya said as Dela waved at all of them. “Dela, these are my siblings: Five, Diego, Allison, Ben, Klaus, and Luther.”

Vanya pointed to each of them in turn and they each mumbled a quiet ‘hello’ in Dela’s general direction but said nothing else.

Vanya frowned; her siblings were usually hyperactive and attention seeking she’d never seen any of them react like this to anyone. Thank goodness for Dela who only laughed as she turned and headed for the exit.

“I sure hope there’s not going to be a test later, I’m terrible with names.”

Five, whose glare was really more of a pout at this point, crossed his arms over his chest and looked to Vanya as if demanding an explanation. When Vanya didn’t give him one he turned back to Dela.

“How did you and Vanya become friends?”

Vanya barely kept herself from facepalming; how could she have forgotten how incredibly rude they all were.

Dela didn’t seem to notice the accusation in Five’s tone and answered with her usual enthusiasm.

“Well it was hard not to notice her, you know?!”

All of her siblings looked like they would rather like to say “No, actually I do not know” but Dela was like a sled with no breaks shoved down a very steep cliff when she got going so they didn’t have a chance to open their mouths let alone begin to speak before Dela had steamrollered on.

“She’s an extraordinary violinist of course, but she also so funny and always has great advice and it was her idea to wear suits instead of dresses for the concert, why wouldn’t I try to be friends with someone that cool?”

While Vanya was busy struggling to figure out how she could have unintentionally tricked Dela into thinking she was cool Luther was busy putting his foot in his mouth.

“How do we know it wasn’t because you wanted to get close to the Academy?” He asked suspiciously.

Vanya actually did facepalm this time, her family was made entirely of emotionally stunted children and this was going to be her life from now on.

Dela, bless her soul, only sounded confused as she held the door open for the Hargreeves siblings and let them head out into the early spring sunshine.

“What academy? I thought Vanya was homeschooled?”

“I am, we all are,” Vanya said into her hands. “Its just called the Academy.”

“Is homeschooling very different from public school? I’m actually going to skip a grade this year,” Dela said brightly. “My mom was nervous but dad says I’ll do great in high school, I’m going to the magnet school near the university. Anyway how does homeschooling work? Do you have grades? How does homework work?”

Vanya could only laugh and the confused looks on her siblings’ faces, but realized she should probably throw them a bone.

“Dela,” she said causing the other girl to turn back around from where she was scanning the street for her mom’s station wagon. “Have you ever heard of the Umbrella Academy?”

Dela’s forehead wrinkled in confusion.

“You mean the comic books? Uh, I guess, I mean I’ve never read them, why? Oh did you all name your homeschool after the comic books? Oh that’s pretty neat!”

Vanya burst out laughing as her siblings started to splutter indignantly. As she’s standing there clutching her sides as peals of laughter escaped her Dela’s mom pulled up to the curb and rolls down the window.

“Delores! We have to hurry if we’re going to make it to your brother’s chess match!”

Dela turned around and spoke as she walked backwards towards the car door.

“It was really nice meeting you all! We’ll have to do it again sometime!”

“I thought your name was Dela,” Five called as she opened the back door and tossed her violin in.

Dela’s answering smile was bright and cheerful in the face of Five’s scowl.

“Its a nickname I chose for myself,” and with the slam of a car door and the squeal of tires Dela was gone.

Vanya turned to look at her siblings who all seemed a little ruffled to have met the human hurricane Vanya had befriended in orchestra practice.

“So does anyone else want to buy anything, or are we just getting makeup?”


End file.
